i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
