Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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