He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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