I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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