she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
