Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
