I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
