he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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