Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
