you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
