He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
