what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize