just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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