We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
