My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
