Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
