remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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