I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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