Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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