the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
