Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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