I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I AM VODKA MAN
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
