i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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