You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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