Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
