Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
