Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
