Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
