he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
