My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
