to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
