I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
