a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
