my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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