Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize