thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
