i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's the barista slut.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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