i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize