First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
