OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
