1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
