So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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