I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
