Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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