you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
