My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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