I am in a vortex of obligation.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pants are for mortals
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
