hotel room ftw
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize