My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
