At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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