Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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