Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
