All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
