fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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