Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
