Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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