So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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