guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
