How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
