you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
