How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize