He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
