Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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