I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
