i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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