You made me cry and you don't even care
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
