In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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