can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
