The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This baby is an asshole
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
