I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
