I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
