the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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