Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
