so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
