We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
