is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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