so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
