I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
